Deeply immersive method actor not as prepared for role of Lockdown Husband, wife reports.

Singular artist, three-time Oscar Winner, and noted “method actor” Daniel Day-Lewis — whose efforts to fully disappear into each of his roles have become legend — turns out to be just as unprepared to survive the COVID-19 lockdown as the rest of us. The man famous for staying in character on months-long shoots, and perfecting skills his character would know — even personally building John Proctor’s cabin for The Crucible — can’t perform the simple task of being at home with his family.

“He learned to…

“We’re thrilled to announce the addition of Edward Albee’s Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf as the first entry in the Marvel Theatrical Universe,” announced Kevin Feige, President of Marvel Studios, at a press conference today. “If Albee had been born a generation later, he’d be writing for Marvel. George and Martha are the superheroes of the stage — the roles all great actors want to sink their teeth into.”

Along with the IP news, Feige announced a revival of the three-hour, intellectual slug-fest, to kick off the post-COVID hibernation of Broadway. The revival — opening in April as the first…

One retired mother in a quaint seaside village in Connecticut spent her December weekends waiting in line at the post office to send bird feeders, seed towers, and other accoutrement of birdscaping to her three children, each of whom live in a large city occupied by pigeons.

“They’ve done studies in Europe saying people are happier interacting with numerous bird species in their daily life,” said Evelyn Schwartz, 62, of Old Saybrook. “And I just want my children to be happy. …

I didn’t want to travel for the holidays. Not in a pandemic. Not to Central Pennsylvania and your Fox News, Pirro-hero parents. And definitely not once I picked up a cough from my pandemic job delivering packages for Amazon. So, I’m sorry that I gave your mother COVID, but it’s not completely my fault.

Listen, we made our vows, now we have to sleep in them. If “for richer or poorer” means that when I get laid off, I have about a week to get back on the pony — during a worldwide economic shutdown — before I succumb and…

2020 has wrestled humanity to the depths of three pandemics: COVID-19, white supremacy, and Donald Trump’s sore losing. Each week brings a top ten list of new horrors. While we at Thought For Food™ can’t predict the future, we’re sure you’ll agree that if you don’t see another waking moment of 2020, that won’t be the worst that could happen.

Now more than ever — we need hibernation.

With that, welcome to our Thanksgiving Feast 2020 Recipe Guide: a five-course meal to put you safely* to sleep until January 20, 2021.

* Our lawyers insist we clarify that this recipe…

It’s not the first time I’ve brought a boy home for the holidays, but it might be the last. Freshman year, I brought Aidan home for a long weekend. Aidan grew up in Providence, majored in political science, and only read non-fiction. My first serious boyfriend.

Kyle is not serious. Kyle went to clown college. Technically the L’Ecole Internationale de Theatre Jacques LeCoq, but what sounds important in French actually just adds up to mime class, clown class, and balloonistry lab.

We met in February in my bookstore. I was organizing “Religion” and he chatted me up. I’d agreed to…

John J King

John J King is part Texan & part T-Rex, and lives in NYC where he makes plays, jokes, songs and films. His mission: To Create and Spread Delight.

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